* Prepare to Die!—Author Katherine Mansfield wrote, “Whenever I prepare for a journey I prepare as though for death. Should I never return, all is in order.” Boy, was I glad to read that quotation. It makes me feel a lot less weird. I go all berserk before I take a trip, stress out totally, and act like I’ll never make it home. We’re leaving for New York City today, and if I show up without foaming at the mouth, it’ll be a blooming miracle.
* Japanese Beetles—How can a creature so beautiful be so destructive? They’ve turned every leaf on our crabapple tree into lace. They chewed through the buds on all my rose bushes. They’ve swarmed my four o’clocks and made holes in the leaves. But I must admit they give me a great measure of satisfaction when I mash them between my fingers. My husband yells, “Spray them! Every time you squish them, you get those two, but their buddies just take over.” But that’s not true. See, I read on the beetle catcher bag that the smell of dead Japanese beetles wards off the living. WHOOOO—HA-HA!!! Let me at ‘em.
* They Be Jammin’—The boys are at it again. David’s on the keyboard and Mike’s on the guitar. They’re wailing away, and the ceiling above my office is vibrating with the blues. Most people have to pay an admission charge for this kind of great music, but all I have to do is make meatloaf. What a great life I have. (All right, I do make a really, really good meatloaf!)
All I could do afterwards was laugh. Last year I fell off my bike riding down our street. Uh, I think any possibility of auditioning is off, don’t you? The photo is of Tino congratulating me on my triple: I ate a bratwurst, peanuts and cotton candy. (Kathryn, sweetie, could this be why SlimFast isn’t working for me? My nightly snacks?)