Earl, I Barely Knew Ye

Each year nearly 100,000 young offenders are sent to juvenile detention centers around the country. In Texas, the recidivism rate is more than 50 percent. In California, it is between 70 and 80 percent.

In Missouri, it is 7.3 percent.

Why? Here in Missouri, the goal is to help these kids get their lives back on track. For some of these kids, their only “crime” is that they are unwanted and have no homes, no families to guide them. So the Missouri Division of Youth Services works with them so that these young people don’t turn to, or continue in, a life of crime.

For example, here in Missouri, we use the “Token Economy Program” an innovative program for juvenile detainees, a system by which kids earn credits toward privileges. It was created by Earl Ross, who died last week. Earl also worked to recruit tutors and mentors for the young offenders.

Today I attended services for Earl; he was the husband of my friend Donna. To make sure I had the details (where and when) correctly in mind, I looked up Earl’s obituary online. That’s when I learned about his involvement with the “token economy program.” I’d heard about Missouri’s success with young offenders on an NPR program, but I didn’t know about Earl's contribution. (You can read about the program at http://andnowforthegoodnews.blogspot.com/2007/12/treating.html )

I wish I’d had the chance to talk with Earl about his work. I wish I could have learned more about it. And, geez, I could have…I just didn’t know enough about him BEFORE he died!

Which got me thinking: How come we save obituaries for after people are gone? What a waste. I needed to know more about Earl Ross and his good work while I had the chance to talk with him. To ask questions. To learn more.

I think we’ve got this all backwards. I think I’ve probably missed all sorts of chances to learn from people. To hear their stories. To become a smarter, more educated person.

I wish we could introduce ourselves and hand over our obituary “to date.” Okay, it seems odd, but I think it would be useful. First, it would remind each of us that life is fleeting, so we better be making the most of it. Second, it would be an excellent ice-breaker. And third, we could bypass all the meaningless chatter and talk with each other about what matters.

Like Earl Ross’s work.

I wish I hadn’t missed my opportunity to know Earl better.

How about you? Have you ever missed the chance to know someone better? Do you think you should write your own obituary as a way to keep track of your goals? What would you want it to say?

The News from My Corner of the World

Sometimes, life just isn't fair. And the most talented among us get overlooked. For example, my good friend Tony Hooper emailed me last week with this lament:

Dear Joanna,

Walter Bargen narrowly edged me out to become Missouri's first Poet Laureate. I probably should have steered away from controversy in my poems, one of which began:

I think that I shall never see
A state so fair as Missouri,
I love her highways, streets, and roads;
Some have potholes, some are closed.

Next time I'll send something from my nature series, like:

The doe stood boldly on my lawn,
Munching hostas with her fawn.
Two shots ripped the still of dawn
Now the bastards both are gone.

Were it not for your encouragement, I don't know how I'd carry on writing.

Tony

I share his pain.

Last Monday the "powers that be" closed down a five-mile stretch of the main East-West corridor in our city for two years. Eeeek!!! What a mess.

And the deer? No exaggeration, we have 100 deer per square mile in the suburb where Tony and I live. At any given time, a dozen of them are in my yard eating the lawn, flowers, shrubs, and trees. This photo is one I took of two babies sporting their winter coats. When I first saw them last Spring, they were--seriously--knee-high. I thought they were stray dogs!

Unfortunately, the deer have no natural predators. Each week there's a new carcass at the side of the road. One municipality decided to "airlift" the animals and take them to a new location. They died of terror.

Truly, I believe the herd should be culled. It's not fair to them. There's not enough to eat, they get hit and maimed by cars, and their interbreeding is causing birth defects like the buck we saw two years ago with the misformed leg. Yes, they also drive us homeowners nuts. Tony's wife trains guide dogs, and Suzanne has to keep dosing them for parasites because the pooches eat so much deer poo. Our lawn and flowers get torn up on a regular basis. My husband wants a tee-shirt that says, "Kill Bambi" on the front.

And yet...and yet...we all rush to the windows to watch the parade as the herd wanders through the yard. The sight of the little ones causes my heart to soar. As does the sight of their white flags bouncing into the woods behind the house.

So...Tony isn't poet laureate, and the deer still roam freely. Life doesn't lend itself to neat packages tied up with ribbons. Sigh. That's the news from my corner of the world.