Collecting Characters--Plus Contest Winners

Last week the A/C went out. I felt like the wicked witch of the west when she cried, "I'm melting!" So I called the a/c and heating place that has our service contract. They sent out a woman repair person. I'll call her Anita. What a character. She hopped out of her truck, strode up to my porch and said, "Better get those orchids into the shade. They can't take the direct sun." I wanted to say, "I'm not nearly as concerned about the ORCHIDS' well being as I am concerned about MINE!" But I didn't. Anita was probably my age, with sunbrowned skin, and a long braid of graying hair that reached past her belt. She walked like she's just been riding a horse for an hour. Her nails showed crescents of dirt and the sort of stains that come with using your hands for hard work. In short order, Anita told me: * She was from a family of Green Witches * She'd been working at this company 7 years * She was originally from Vermont * She just bought a house north of where I lived, and she'd thought she'd never be able to afford to be a home owner, so this was a big deal. She also decided that: * I needed to learn about my A/C (This necessitated a climb up into my attic.) * I should be able to tell if the "float alarm" was working (Yet another climb.) * That I should have signed the 10-10-10 service contract. (I don't know why. The final bill was $650, and that was WITH a service contract, so I'm not sure why a service contract was helpful.) And...there's more... * You should always carry a drill with the bit up (facing the sky) so you don't lose the bit. * You should stop to smell the roses (and she suggested we walk out to the beach and take a look at the water, which we did). * She'd had it with men. They're no good, and they might be interested in her--a couple were chasing her around--but no WAY. She wasn't falling for THAT again. She did not fix the airconditioner. All in all, I spent two hours with Anita. I watched her, I listened to her, and I asked questions. My sister, Jane, wondered why I put up with the inconvenience. After all, Anita's "lessons" took me away from my writing. I collect characters. Yep, someday Anita will show up in a book. You see, that's the beauty of being a writer. Nothing is ever wasted. Ever. I file it all away, every slight, every emotion, every anecdote, every weirdness that crosses my path. When I need to sprinkle my work with the spice that a new character adds, I'll remember Anita. CONTEST WINNERS: Using a random number generating program, these two commenters from last week are my winners: * Shel * Cyn209 Please send me an email at JoannaSlan@aol.com with your postal addresses so you can be sent your copy of Jon Land's newest book--Strong at the Break.

The Best Advice (on Writing) That I Ever Got, Part I

This begins a week of posts sharing the best writing advice we've gleaned.

Years ago, a crabby high school English teacher forced us students to stand read our written compositions out loud. Boy, did I ever hate that exercise. I remember sounding like a fool and feeling totally tongue-tied.

I hated that exercise so much that I repressed that suggestion until Elaine Viets mentioned it to a group of us aspiring authors at SleuthFest. She explained that she once narrated one of her own books for audio tape. In the process, she found several places where her prose wasn't as smooth as she'd thought. (And yes, I mumbled this paragraph to myself several times, trying to get it right. As a result, I made several key revisions.)

I figured if reading out loud was good enough for Elaine Viets, it would be more than helpful for me. And it is.

When you read your work out loud, you are forced to hear any awkward construction. Your voice will falter if your punctuation is off. You'll stumble over nonsensical phrases. You will also catch left out words, so the exercise doubles as a great proofreading opportunity.

Most of all, your dialogue will improve dramatically.

When you read your dialogue out loud, you discover your poor characters are talking like stilted statues at a cheap amusement park. Oh, my gosh. This has to be one of the most humiliating procedures ever!

And yet, from that embarrassment comes instant and constant improvement. My motto is, "If I can't say it, one of my characters won't either."

If I had one idea to bequeath to any writer, I'd say this, "Read your stuff out loud. Don't just mouth the words. Give your work the voice test. Better yet, ask someone else to read your work to you. That way you can't fudge by acting out the piece."

It's a simple idea. It's easy to ignore. But the results are just incredible. Try it!