Yarn to the Rescue

The other day I was feeling stressed and anxious. The reason doesn’t matter, not even that it was based on a real issue. I was doing that horrible circle thinking. Round and round the same negative thoughts. Get to the end and they began again. And I felt it physically as well in the form of what I call a nervous stomach. It was like my stomach was a clenched fist.

I tried various relaxation techniques I know like counting as you breath in and then doing the same as you breath out, trying to stretch both to higher numbers. It worked - but only as long as I did the breathing. As soon as I stopped, the loop of thoughts returned and my stomach got tense.

I did all kind of self talk, trying to convince myself that feeling this way was pointless. I agreed with myself, but it didn’t make the anxiety go away. If anything, it started to get worse. I was focusing on it too, much and it was beginning to feel like a fever dream or Mickey Mouse’s dealing with the ever increasing broomsticks in the Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

My sense of humor was gone and I couldn’t manage a laugh for a stupid sit-com. Several cups of tea didn’t make a dent either.

Then I picked up the shawl I’m making for the next Casey book, Silence of the Lamb's Wool. It is a very simple repetitive pattern. I looked down at the wavy lines of the stitches. The yarn is thick and thin in places because it is hand spun. I took a deep breath and began to work on the next row. It didn’t help my stomach at first, but the negative thoughts began to melt away and I came up with a solution to what was causing all the anxiety in the first place. As I continued on with the rows, I could feel my stomach begin to unclench and it was like a breeze of relaxation went through my body. I even began to laugh at the silly show I had on in the background.

When I stopped knitting, the anxiety did not return. I had successfully calmed myself, all by myself. What a great feeling. Though I happened to have picked up some knitting, crochet would have worked just as well.

I think working with yarn is so much about the journey rather than the scarf or shawl you end up with. The rhythmic movements sooth your mind and spirit.