Friday, September 4, 2020

Unanswered Questions

 And just like that the summer is over and it’s September.  It’s still hot here, but it’s getting light later and dark earlier.  

I am in rewrite mode for Crochet Mystery number 14.  I offered a bunch of possible titles, but no decision has been reached yet.  When I explained the recent events in my life to my editor, she agreed to give me extra time to finish.

I am trying to go full steam ahead with the manuscript – I’m in rewrite mode– but there’s always something that pulls me away.

I got the medical examiner’s report for my brother the other day.  As I read it, it opened up all the feelings of loss and confusion about what happened.

The report said little to explain anything.  His body was decomposed, his neighbors last saw him on May 13, but they thought his body had only been there for a couple of days when he was found on May 27. He was wearing, pants, a dress shirt, jacket and socks.  He was laying supine in his living room. Was he about to go out somewhere? I’d noticed several pairs of shoes in his living room when I was there.

There were no details of what caused his death other than a very long word I don’t know how to spell which seemed to mean that he had a stroke or a heart attack.  The strange thing is that if he was he’d actually died two days before he was found, he would have died exactly 50 years after my father.

From his last checking statement I’d figured out that he went to Walmart twice a month and so far in May he hadn’t been there once.  I saw that the last bill he paid was the day before the neighbors saw him for the last time.  But he’d neglected to pay his HOA fee due several days earlier which didn’t fit in with the pattern of earlier months.

I had planned to go back to North Carolina a few weeks after the first trip to clear out his place and get things fixed, but there was one thing and another why I couldn’t leave.  Now I’m ready to plan the trip in a few weeks. This trip will be easier because I know what to expect.  I have texted back and forth with one of the neighbors and become friendly.  She saw my brother taking walks, but they never spoke.  

I know I will never have answers, but it doesn’t keep me from wondering.


Miss Merry said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Linda Osborn said...

It is so frustrating to have unanswered questions like those about your brother. There will be many things you can never fully understand, and after a while you will come to accept that. You will begin to focus on good memories, and accept things at face value. Maybe he was going out to dinner with a friend, or to some sort of meeting. He is at peace now, and that is what matters.

Betty Hechtman said...

Thank you, Miss Merry.

Betty Hechtman said...

Linda, you are absolutely right. He is at peace now. The medical examiner's report was jarring because it dealt with the physicalness of it all.

Linda O. Johnston said...

I can't even imagine what you're going through. It's hard to lose someone, and the situation regarding how your brother died adds to the pain. I'm very sorry for your loss. Maybe someday you'll think of a way to use some of it in a story, but maybe not since that could wind up increasing the pain even more.

Betty Hechtman said...

Linda, it is the way he died and was found that feels so strange. And yes, you know nothing is every wasted when it comes to writing. It has been like unraveling a mystery as I looked at his bank statement and figured out his life for the past few months and I could see when things changed. I wondered when I first went there would I discover that he had some secret life I knew nothing about. So far it doesn't seem so.

chkntza said...

I am sorry for your loss. You are handling it very well. Thank you for sharing your experience.