Coffee, Tea and Murder Takes the Cake

While the collective Evelyn David can readily agree on how to commit murder, there is a deep schism between the Northern and Southern halves on caffeinated brews.

Every morning, Rhonda, the Southern half of the writing team, stops at the Golden Arches on her way to work for a large coffee, which is served in a disposable cardboard cup. To this steamy brew, she adds four packets of Equal, definitely not Sweet & Low, and four little tubs of liquid creamer.

In contrast, Marian, the Northern half, drinks only tea (preferably King Cole from Canada), eschews all artificial sweeteners, and instead, mixes in a teaspoon of sugar (which, she adds defensively, in addition to making the medicine go down, is also only 15 calories), and a splash of skim milk – all preferably brewed in a china teacup.

The great divide between Rhonda and Marian is less the issue of coffee versus tea, and more which kind of container should hold the hot liquid. And that is the reason for this blog. Collecting stuff – different kinds of stuff – is one of our hobbies.

Rhonda collects dolls. She has her original Barbie with signature ponytail and eternally bright blue eyeshadow. Read her Happy Birthday Barbie blog at http://woofersclub.blogspot.com/2009/03/happy-50th-barbie.html

In addition to her Barbie she has most of the dolls from her childhood, well-worn and well-loved. She also has around 20 porcelain dolls. As for her coffee, as long as it’s hot, sweet, and somebody else made it, she doesn’t care what kind of container it’s in. In fact, she prefers not having to wash anything once she finishes that last sip. A high school basketball player, she keeps up her skills by checking if she can still score a three-pointer by heaving the cardboard cup from her desk into the trashcan by her office door. It’s a rim shot, but Score!

Marian, on the other hand, collects bone china teacups. At this point, she has more than 50 different patterns. There’s no rhyme or reason to what she buys – pure whimsy (and price). She rarely pays more than $10 for a cup and saucer – usually less. Her husband, kids, family, and friends have contributed to the collection. It becomes part of every vacation to look for a teacup – whether she buys any or not. The fun is in the hunt! When having a crowd for dinner, Marian puts out a selection of the cups to serve coffee/tea and dessert. Guests enjoy choosing from the “Royal Collection” – souvenir teacups with the faces of various members of the British monarchy. While guests readily opt for the teacup featuring Queen Elizabeth and King George VI (the parents of the current monarch who were happily married for 29 years until his death), there seems to be general agreement that the teacup featuring the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana has bad karma and no amount of sweetener, real or artificial, can change that.

The wonderful, late George Carlin once mocked Americans for all our collections. “That’s all your house is: a place to keep your stuff. If you didn’t have so much stuff, you wouldn’t need a house. A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it.” We know it’s foolish, but whether it’s dolls, teacups, bandaids, bouncy balls, or banana box labels (to name a few of the weird collections I’ve seen), we collect stuff because it’s interesting, pretty, or just plain fun.
Sometimes, collecting is a perfect reason to commit murder. Either somebody wants the same stuff you do and is willing to kill for it – or maybe somebody is just plain tired of all your stuff, and is willing to do anything to get rid of it. Sounds like a good plot for a mystery – and we’re collecting those too!

Evelyn David

Evelyn David is the pseudonym for Marian Edelman Borden and Rhonda Dossett. While many fans who attend mystery conventions have chatted with both halves of Evelyn David, Marian and Rhonda have yet to meet in person. For more details on this unusual partnership, visit their website at Evelyn David is the author of several short stories including Riley Come Home in the Missing anthology from Echelon Press.
http://www.echelonpress.com/direct/buy-missing.htm

Murder Off the Books is available at http://www.amazon.com/Murder-Books-Sullivan-Investigations-Mysteries/dp/1590805224/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1236894181&sr=8-1

Murder Takes the Cake is available at http://www.amazon.com/Murder-Books-Sullivan-Investigations-Mysteries/dp/1590805224/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1236894181&sr=8-1http://www.amazon.com/Murder-Takes-Sullivan-Investigation-Mystery/dp/1590806182/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1236894314&sr=1-2

My Promise to Stacey Klemstein

I’m totally bummed right now. Having a meltdown. So just let me rant, and then I’ll post what I promised Stacey Klemstein, author of The Silver Spoon by Eschelon Press.

See, I just flew back from Love Is Murder on Dark & Stormy Nights. I’m dog-tired. Bone-weary. Weepy. Had one of those return flights that's like your worst roller coaster nightmare. It's raining. My son couldn't come pick me up at the airport. My husband is in Las Vegas with guy friends from Steinway watching the Super Bowl. He left while I was gone. My dogs are at the dog sitter's house. I feel abandoned.

But I planned to focus on the positive. I took a deep breath when I walked in the door to my home.

Great, I told myself. This is my opportunity for Quality Time with my 18-year-old son. Michael and I can watch the Super Bowl together!!

I ordered pizza! We got comfy in the TV room. We were laughing over the commercials. Only…suddenly Charter (Mis)Communications demanded the PIN number. Which I thought I knew. But after three tries, I discovered I obviously didn’t. And Charter turned the screen all blue with the message “Incorrect PIN. Call 1888GETCHARTER.” (Which is code for "1-800-GET-LOST.) When I dutifully called Charter, I was told I wasn’t authorized to turn the service back on. The representative explained that the account is only in my husband’s name—not Mr. and Mrs, only Mr. Slan—yeah, the very name of the no-good son-of-an-earthworm who SET the PIN number and forgot to tell me what the number was.

And it’s happened before. He's changed it and forgotten to tell me. I so rarely watch TV—and now you see why. It’s no fun to be all psyched up about watching something only to have Charter decide you aren’t old enough. Which is a real kick in the butt because I’m the oldest person in this household, and CERTAINLY the most mature. (Or I am unless I'm really, really tired and angry.)

As my son said, “Why do we even need a PIN number? Mom, if I want to watch porn, I can watch it on my computer.” Spoken like a true child of the computer age. So now I’m here in my office in the basement and my son’s upstairs in front of his computer watching the Super Bowl on his monitor. So much for togetherness. For bonding.

I think I will change the locks.

GGGGGRRRRRRRR.

**

Now on to what I promised Stacey…

How To Get Started Scrapbooking When You Haven't a Clue Where to Begin

You don’t have to be really artistic to scrapbook. You don’t even need to spend a lot of money. Here’s how to get started…and I promise you can do this for less than $50. Probably more like $35 if you watch for coupons. (Google "Archivers." They have great coupons. Get on their mailing list.)

Shopping List (from Archivers, Michaels, Target, JoAnn’s, WalMart or Kmart)

1. An archivally safe pen—get this from Archivers or Michaels or Target or WalMart. Sakura makes a good one.
2. A personal paper trimmer—Fiskars makes a good one. Get the 12” size. From Archivers, or the others.
3. A variety of adhesives—a package of photo splits, a runny glue (like Elmer’s but one that dries clear), a glue stick, and my favorite, HERMA Dotto. (A little pricey, but worth it. Get the repositional dots.)
4. A package of scrapbook paper—get one of those pads that has multiple sheets of patterned paper, embellishments and alphabets. You can buy these for $20 or less. I suggest you take along the particular photos you want to scrap first. Hold the photos up to the paper in your package—is the mood right? Are the colors a good match? Try several combinations. You'll find one that pleases. (Even if the packaged paper is sealed, usually they show you the papers inside with a small schematic on the packaging.)
5. Six to 10 solid color papers to match the papers in the package of scrapbook paper. (This is for matting photos.)
6. Six to 10 solid white or crème papers to match the package of scrapbook paper. (This is for writing your journaling on. If there's cream in your patterned paper, buy cream. If there's white, buy white.)

From Around the House
1. A pencil
2. An eraser
3. Scissors
4. A metal ruler

From an Office Supply Store or Discount Store
1. A 3-ring binder (8 ½ inches by 11 inches) -- You might have one around the house that you can use to start with.
2. Same size plastic page protectors—ones that say “archivally safe”

Now you might be thinking, “Don’t I need a nice album?”

Why I Suggest Beginners Start with a 3-Ring Binder

The expensive albums take a lot of your craft budget. They are intimidating. You can ruin an entire page. The pages must be threaded on straps or posts in order and right side up. Heck, they even scare ME.

You KNOW how to handle a 3-ring binder, right? Yeah, sure you do.

Next week, I’ll show you how to scrapbook your photos. You’ll want to choose a dozen or so that have the same theme or time frame or some unifying thread. (Okay, and about that oft-heard cry, "You wouldn't believe all the photos I have! I haven't sorted them!" Honey-chile, I got you beat. I have 22 boxes of photos, one suitcase, one 3' x 3' cardboard box, and three old albums. I'm not BEHIND, I just have a lot of inventory to work with. See? Change your perspective. If you wait until they are all sorted, chances are you'll never get to it. That's one of the beauties of 3-ring binders. Find a new photo? No problem--make the page and put it where it belongs.)

Okay, you go get the supplies. I’m going to see if I can “recapture the magic,” and get my son to try to watch the SuperBowl with me again. You and I will pick up where we left off next week.

I’m still changing the locks.