IF

I FINISHED IT!! And Then You Dye is in the hands of Jackie, my very capable editor at Berkley, and my wonderful agent, Nancy. I know they’ll have ideas for improving it, and I’m looking forward to hearing from them about it.

Joanna Campbell Slan is going to hold an Internet Valentine’s Day party on February 14. Instead of us Killer Hobbies bloggers offering a book to someone who tunes in, we’re each going to offer a box of chocolates. I was going to buy a Whitman Sampler, and actually had the box in my hand yesterday, when I got a better idea. In Excelsior, where my books are set, there is a chocolate shop called Truffle Hill. They make their own chocolate candy up there, and it is wonderful. So I am going to offer a small box (their stuff is costly) of assorted chocolates to a person to be named during the party. Trust me, you will not be disappointed.

A good friend of mine and I – and our households – have established a custom of going to one another’s home on alternate years to watch the Super Bowl. Neither of us is particularly a big football fan, but it’s a good excuse to get together, talk, play Scrabble pre-game, eat, and comment on the commercials. Actually, it was a good game this year, too, not decided until the last few seconds.

My mother was a sports fan, a bigger one than my father. Living in Wisconsin, she was a Packer booster, big time. The sound of a football game playing on television was so much a part of my growing up that to this day I’ll turn one on when preparing Thanksgiving dinner just to “complete” the ambiance.

I remember one half time entertainment in particular, from back in the late fifties. It featured a man’s smooth, professional voice reciting Rudyard Kipling’s “If,” accompanied by swift takes of various football games to illustrate it. The poem begins, “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs . . .” and there was a series of swift cuts of tackles so hard that helmets went flying. For the line, “If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you . . .” there was a referee standing firm, arms folded, while players and coaches screamed at him from all sides. “If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run” showed two teams engaged in a fierce battle to cross or defend the goal line while the clock was running down. And the final line, “And, which is more, you’ll be a man, my son!” Showed a triumphant player on the frozen sidelines at night, backlit by lights, while someone throws one of those heavy, warming cloaks around his shoulders.

I have never forgotten that film. It set off a lifelong admiration of Kipling’s mighty meter. I wish I could find a copy of that film somewhere. When I was in Green Bay a few years ago, I spoke to the keeper of the archives at Lambeau Field about it, and he was sure it wasn’t a Packer presentation. Does anyone else out there remember it? Who put it together? Does a copy of it exist somewhere?

Maunderings

I have a new car! My old car developed a faulty transmission, the climax of a series of smaller problems that it had suffered over the past year. It was going to cost a bundle to fix the thing and I argued in favor of getting a good used car rather than continue being nibbled (and bitten) to death by the one I was currently unable to drive.

Instead, after researching what was out there, we went to a local dealership and I am the proud owner of a Ford Focus in a crayon-blue color. I’m still feeling it out, but so far, I really like it. One thing it came with was a six-month subscription to satellite radio. Dozens and dozens of stations to pick from, plus the usual am/fm stations. Tomorrow I will get serious about Serius radio, and program more than the two stations I selected when the salesman was showing me how it worked. (When I got home, all I remembered was how to turn the radio on.) And give the car its first bath. One of the neat amenities in the co-op we live in is a car washing station in the underground garage. It’s good exercise and it saves money.

The Super Bowl was exciting, wasn’t it? I found it to be a great game, probably because my team took the lead from the start. But I didn’t like the half-time entertainment. The special effects were wonderful, but the music sounded, to my antique ears, unmusical, even amateurish. I understand this is normal in people my age.

I took my dyeing resource to lunch yesterday. She answered some questions and loaned me three good books on dyeing – one devoted entirely to the three major kinds of natural dyes that give you red. One is made from insects, one from the roots of a weed, and one from a shellfish. None, unfortunately for my story, is poisonous. But I’m working on a new angle that may do fine.

It’s my turn to host my writers’ group this Wednesday. It’s amazing and comforting to see what a writers’ group can do to improve each member’s writing. If you’re a writer, do you belong to a writers’ group

My Promise to Stacey Klemstein

I’m totally bummed right now. Having a meltdown. So just let me rant, and then I’ll post what I promised Stacey Klemstein, author of The Silver Spoon by Eschelon Press.

See, I just flew back from Love Is Murder on Dark & Stormy Nights. I’m dog-tired. Bone-weary. Weepy. Had one of those return flights that's like your worst roller coaster nightmare. It's raining. My son couldn't come pick me up at the airport. My husband is in Las Vegas with guy friends from Steinway watching the Super Bowl. He left while I was gone. My dogs are at the dog sitter's house. I feel abandoned.

But I planned to focus on the positive. I took a deep breath when I walked in the door to my home.

Great, I told myself. This is my opportunity for Quality Time with my 18-year-old son. Michael and I can watch the Super Bowl together!!

I ordered pizza! We got comfy in the TV room. We were laughing over the commercials. Only…suddenly Charter (Mis)Communications demanded the PIN number. Which I thought I knew. But after three tries, I discovered I obviously didn’t. And Charter turned the screen all blue with the message “Incorrect PIN. Call 1888GETCHARTER.” (Which is code for "1-800-GET-LOST.) When I dutifully called Charter, I was told I wasn’t authorized to turn the service back on. The representative explained that the account is only in my husband’s name—not Mr. and Mrs, only Mr. Slan—yeah, the very name of the no-good son-of-an-earthworm who SET the PIN number and forgot to tell me what the number was.

And it’s happened before. He's changed it and forgotten to tell me. I so rarely watch TV—and now you see why. It’s no fun to be all psyched up about watching something only to have Charter decide you aren’t old enough. Which is a real kick in the butt because I’m the oldest person in this household, and CERTAINLY the most mature. (Or I am unless I'm really, really tired and angry.)

As my son said, “Why do we even need a PIN number? Mom, if I want to watch porn, I can watch it on my computer.” Spoken like a true child of the computer age. So now I’m here in my office in the basement and my son’s upstairs in front of his computer watching the Super Bowl on his monitor. So much for togetherness. For bonding.

I think I will change the locks.

GGGGGRRRRRRRR.

**

Now on to what I promised Stacey…

How To Get Started Scrapbooking When You Haven't a Clue Where to Begin

You don’t have to be really artistic to scrapbook. You don’t even need to spend a lot of money. Here’s how to get started…and I promise you can do this for less than $50. Probably more like $35 if you watch for coupons. (Google "Archivers." They have great coupons. Get on their mailing list.)

Shopping List (from Archivers, Michaels, Target, JoAnn’s, WalMart or Kmart)

1. An archivally safe pen—get this from Archivers or Michaels or Target or WalMart. Sakura makes a good one.
2. A personal paper trimmer—Fiskars makes a good one. Get the 12” size. From Archivers, or the others.
3. A variety of adhesives—a package of photo splits, a runny glue (like Elmer’s but one that dries clear), a glue stick, and my favorite, HERMA Dotto. (A little pricey, but worth it. Get the repositional dots.)
4. A package of scrapbook paper—get one of those pads that has multiple sheets of patterned paper, embellishments and alphabets. You can buy these for $20 or less. I suggest you take along the particular photos you want to scrap first. Hold the photos up to the paper in your package—is the mood right? Are the colors a good match? Try several combinations. You'll find one that pleases. (Even if the packaged paper is sealed, usually they show you the papers inside with a small schematic on the packaging.)
5. Six to 10 solid color papers to match the papers in the package of scrapbook paper. (This is for matting photos.)
6. Six to 10 solid white or crème papers to match the package of scrapbook paper. (This is for writing your journaling on. If there's cream in your patterned paper, buy cream. If there's white, buy white.)

From Around the House
1. A pencil
2. An eraser
3. Scissors
4. A metal ruler

From an Office Supply Store or Discount Store
1. A 3-ring binder (8 ½ inches by 11 inches) -- You might have one around the house that you can use to start with.
2. Same size plastic page protectors—ones that say “archivally safe”

Now you might be thinking, “Don’t I need a nice album?”

Why I Suggest Beginners Start with a 3-Ring Binder

The expensive albums take a lot of your craft budget. They are intimidating. You can ruin an entire page. The pages must be threaded on straps or posts in order and right side up. Heck, they even scare ME.

You KNOW how to handle a 3-ring binder, right? Yeah, sure you do.

Next week, I’ll show you how to scrapbook your photos. You’ll want to choose a dozen or so that have the same theme or time frame or some unifying thread. (Okay, and about that oft-heard cry, "You wouldn't believe all the photos I have! I haven't sorted them!" Honey-chile, I got you beat. I have 22 boxes of photos, one suitcase, one 3' x 3' cardboard box, and three old albums. I'm not BEHIND, I just have a lot of inventory to work with. See? Change your perspective. If you wait until they are all sorted, chances are you'll never get to it. That's one of the beauties of 3-ring binders. Find a new photo? No problem--make the page and put it where it belongs.)

Okay, you go get the supplies. I’m going to see if I can “recapture the magic,” and get my son to try to watch the SuperBowl with me again. You and I will pick up where we left off next week.

I’m still changing the locks.