All I need to know in life, I learned from a koala

By Kathryn Lilley

I’ve never even been to Australia, but by reading, I find all sorts of wisdom from the continent Down Under.

For example, my life is filled with the odd bit of stress here and there. Now, have you ever seen a stressed-out koala? ‘Nuff said. Must be the power of those eucalyptus leaves, and lots of sleep.

I subscribe to a number of Aussie publications, and here are some recent tidbits that caught my eye:

• Generally, Aussies are not coffee snobs. They don’t waste their time debating the merits of Peet’s versus Starbucks versus a cuppa Dundee instant. It’s all good.


• Playing peek-a-boo with a kid on a plane can drive you bonkers, but it's really good for the kid's brain.


• To keep your own brain young, take a walk. This probably explains why Jack Lalanne still talks like an eighteen-year-old adolescent.
  
• A mother’s stress is linked to obesity in kids. Like we didn’t know that? Who likes their kids being subjected to taunts of, “Your mama’s so big, she couldn’t float through the Panama canal.” It’s enough to drive any kid into a Twinkie rage.
  
• Oh, and not to mention the fact that Australian men prefer larger women. I wrote about that happy news in a previous post.

They were the odd news items that didn't appeal to me so much. To wit:

• Being unique is a mental disorder. This one rule would send me and most of my friends and family straight to the loony bin.

Now, it's not as if my world-traveler-from-an-armchair reader's POV has any currency in terms of judging the real Australia. For that, I suggest you read a recent post by Clare Langley-Hawthorne, a real Australian. But for the most part, I'm a Down-Under kind of gal when it comes to my attitude toward life.

Any other Aussie-istic wisdom anyone can share? Keep it clean!

Oh, the fun places you'll go!

Last Friday's guest, author Michelle Gagnon, just wrote a funny post about her recent book tour over at the Kill Zone. Now that I'm preparing to launch my own book tour for A KILLER WORKOUT, which hits the bookstores on October 7th, I'm in the mood to anticipate and do a little neurotic worrying ahead of time:



Gas. Yikes! Gas is nearly five dollars a gallon in LA! It puts a pricey pall on those long drives to Phoenix, Las Vegas and points north. If I wind up running out of gas and hitchhiking down a lonely stretch highway, don't worry--I won't climb into any pickup trucks or white panel vans.

Book signings. You just never know what to expect. Some bookstores promote your appearance and assemble people for a discussion--others stick you in the "gilded cage" to the side of the front entrance,where you basically collar anyone coming through the door with a pitch. Sitting quietly does not sell books, so I've developed a special smile and greeting that makes me feel like an airline stewardess. The funny thing I notice is that there are two types of people--those that engage with you easily, and those that avoid eye contact and actually do a flanking maneuver around my table to avoid interacting. The second group are the people who hate a hard sell. But they sometimes sneak back and shyly buy the book on their way out.

Bringing goodies. I always bring cookies and water with me to hand out. I don't know if that helps me sell books, but I'm a hit with kids and homeless people.

Being a trooper. I hate canceling things at the last minute. One time I was scheduled to do a signing, but I woke up that morning feeling sick, and getting sicker by the minute. Twenty minutes before the signing was supposed to start, I was sitting in the car with my husband, projectile vomiting into a plastic bag. The appearance went off flawlessly. I had a surge of adrenaline that magically suspended the illness for precisely one hour. The instant I got back into the car after the signing, I resumed vomiting, and continued do so, all the way to Urgent Care.

Maximizing family connections. I combine book tours with as much family interaction as possible. Fortunately, I have family spread all over the east and southeast, so I can combine book stops with mini-reunions. My husband is used to chugging along in my wake, and he tries not to fall asleep as I give the same talk or sign books. I suspect this year, however, he may chug off in search of a golf course while I'm doing my book thing.

Being zen about what you can't control. Things I can't control 1) the book retailing model, 2) the publishing business, 3) the fact that people who can't find my book in the bookstore, because they've sold out, wind up buying them at deep discounts online.

I just have to smile, show up, and keep on writing no matter what.

What about you? Are there any things you most like, dislike about pitching your book on the road?